The Bloated Penguin

Next Monday will mark the kick-off of another project here at the exclusive computer nerd-labs of my work. Yes, alright – I could be exaggerating about the “exclusive computer nerd” stuff, but us introverts need to generate self importance some how right? Anyways, Monday we will be kicking off a brand new digital campaign that will be %100 Wordpress generated.

I know what most of you are thinking, “Dude, Wordpress is like so 2006!” well, to give you all some insight, Wordpress is like a foreign language here and for us to even make the decision to use the system was a HUGE step. So instead of writing how Movable Type or Drupal are much better systems (or to build our own), for the sake of argument I’m going to deem Wordpress as a step in the right direction.

Over the course of a month the crew here will be learning about blog design, writing, voice and tone and most of all, the power of unique and consistent content over this thing we call the Interwebs. I have a lot of confidence in the Scooby Gang here, but as with all projects, I’m expecting to fail a few times before we get this right.

Thanks for the good luck wishes in advance!

Yup, that’s right – it was me.

Fridays usually include a lunch event of some sort for the crew I work with. Sometimes we go out for sushi, other times it’s Thai food, but last week was an off-week as we’re all eagerly awaiting to be paid again. On a side note, “Damn you monthly expenses!!!!”

So instead of going out for lunch, we all stayed in and brown-bagged it. The result was boredom. We weren’t at all interested in what we were eating or really any of the subject matters we usually touch on when we’re away from the office. Instead someone broke out their iPhone and with it, the end of productivity. These little micro-transaction games that are floating around are ridiculously addictive. First we all shared how fun these farming games were, then I piped in with the one game that single-handedly ended the rest of the day’s work.

I’m speaking of course of High School Super Star. The gang asked what I play and I showed them this little app that puts you back in high school. The intention is to create a persona and gain popularity. Popularity can be gained by fighting and smack talking, buying cool shit for your locker and getting after school jobs. Sounds lame, I know, but for some reason everyone was absolutely hooked. This is not an advertisement for High School Super Star – in fact, this is a warning for anyone at work right now. Do not share this game – it will suck the resources away from your project faster than the new 3GS.

So to give everyone a bit of background info, I’ve been tasked to write a wedding speech for a friend of mine who will be getting married quite soon. I’m not exactly sure why I was chosen to do so other than the fact that the bridesmaids don’t want to. Call it fear of public speaking, lack of confidence, or the inevitable pressure felt when doing it, but the bottom line is I gotta step up.

I’ve been going through my notes on the matter for the better part of a week and I’ve written, then re-written, then swore at myself a lot, tore up a bunch of drafts and realized that this is probably the most important thing I’ve ever put on paper. In comparison to video game scripts, web site copy and ad campaigns, wedding speeches can make or break you… figuratively of course. Not only am I writing to entertain, but I’ve also got to say it out loud. I have to grab the attention of the entire audience, and make it endearing enough that the bride doesn’t think I’m a big goof. Then there’s the argument of jokes, stories and what I am now referring to as the “Aaaaaawe” moments.

I’ve done quite a bit of research on the matter and I think there’s a pace you can take when writing/reading a wedding speech. You want to draw them in, keep them and take them on a ride they’ll never forget. In other words, you have to write the dialogue for a movie trailer. I’m alright when it comes to the excitement and the stories – I’ve known the bride since the first day of Kindergarden so the tales are endless. Where I’m having trouble is the “Aaaaaawe.” factor. How much “Aaaaaawe,” do I include? Do I try to make people cry? If I do, how do I know people won’t just laugh?

My solution for the moment is to tell a tale. How I met the bride, how I felt when the bride met the groom and all of the “Aaaaawe” moments in between. Similar to cutting a movie trailer, I want to include high moments and splice in “Aaaaawe,” moments. The key right now is trying not to blow the ultimate “Aaaawe” in the beginning. Timing, pace and a plan to toy with the emotions of the audience and they will be mine…. ALL MINE!!!! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha

Seriously though, I have no idea what I’m going to write about because I just looked over my last draft and decided to burn it and bury the remains in the back yard. Damn this shit is difficult…

Apparently this is what Frances would look like if she were an M&M

As a special request from a new co-worker, I am devoting an entire post to Frances (don’t call me FrancIS, AKA Ninja Koala) Data. The print designer extraordinaire has been gracing the office with her presence for the past few months and said she would only read The Bloated Penguin if it was worth reading. Well, Frances, here you go.

Frances can be recognized as the “silent girl” as she is the pictured example for the I Am Silent campaign here in the office.

She’s created some great print work from travel brochures to holiday donations catalogs and I am relying on her to help me design a friend’s wedding invitation.

For lack of ideas, content and the fact that I’m tired here is a picture of an actual ninja koala.

Bye Frances – Welcome to The Bloated Penguin

When we heard about this last week I wasn’t sure how well it would go over. Apparently my boss was contacted by some peeps over at the Colbert Report and asked to come on the show to talk about Child Labor. See, the thing about Stevie Colbert is that he lives in a giant pool of ridiculousness and sometimes not everyone understands that the entire show is basically an act. Well, I think after the PR team at my work prepped the boss man he was really prepared.

Click here to watch the clip. Comedy Central won’t let me embed cause they want to show you more adds for Cialis….

Good job Marc – I think you impressed a lot of people with the interview. Also (and this is the most important) gave me my first “So You Wanna Know What’s So Effen’ Cool About My Work” story. Eat it friends! My boss was on Colbert Report!!!!

Key kids and giant group of screaming teenage girls. (I only say that because if my SEO is good enough you’ll have searched “Jonas Brothers” this morning and stumbled upon this)

So Monday out here in Toronto was We Day. For those of you in Vancouver reading this, you’ll remember the name because it was all over the papers and the news last week. The Dalai Lama (sorry if I just butchered the name) showed up with some folks like Sarah Mclachlan, Mia Farrow and Jason Mratz and helped promote youth empowerment to all of the kiddies. Well Toronto didn’t carry all of the guests over, but it did bring its share of surprise guests.

COMMENCE HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING NOW

The Jonas Brothers showed up and played a surprise song to audience over the lunch break on Monday. Not just that, but teenage heart-throb Justin Bieber showed up as well and cracked his voice through a solo on stage. Alright, so at the end of the day We Day Toronto might have turned out a little bit more like the Teen Choice Awards, but it was for the kids so I’m sure they left an impression.

Although I never really got to officially “meet” the Jonas Brothers (here in Toronto filming a movie I think) I would assume the conversation would have gone something like this:

Me – You can call me Sco-Jo

JB – But we won’t

Me – But we have so much in common

JB – Like what?

Me – I cause incoherent screaming from preteen girls as well

JB – Security!!!!!

I think you can agree that it would have turned out like that exactly had been in a room with them.

Alright, Laters.

Hey kids,

Okay, I should be very clear up front with this – seeing as I came into Free the Children only 3 weeks ago, I really didn’t have anything to do with the latest website we launched last weekend. But on the other hand, I take a lot of pride in what was accomplished in the 2 weeks leading up to the big launch. I’ve been moved into Web Team that is only now starting to realize their potential as a group and seeing them struggle through and eventually accomplish something this big (2 Major site launches on the same weekend) was great. I’m starting to realize the potential of the team I’ll be working with and to me, this is extremely important. With a crack team of designers, writers, developers and what I like to call “generalists,” both sites went up on time.

Save a few minor linking follies and some content errors, I think everything went up quite well. I’m not in any way trying to show people what “I’ve” done, rather what the people I’ll be working with have done. Not too shabby….

Anyways, check out these sites when you get a chance. Later.

Free The Children

Me to We

Brace yourselves kids, this is going to be interesting.

So after the difficult goodbyes with everyone last Saturday I arrived in Toronto quite late in the afternoon only to be greeted with the news of Air Canada forgetting over 70 bags in Vancouver. After a plethora of complaints from angry over-aged men with their trophy wives, the representative seemed to get fed up and went on the loud speaker. He told everyone that our bags would be arriving on the very next flight from Vancouver, but that flight wouldn’t land for another 3 hours. Brilliant. So, without anything other than my lap top to my name, I had no possessions for 3 hours. I looked at the lineup of people filing complaints and just said, “Screw it,” and waited. Thank god for 3G and an iPhone – I’m now even more of a Bejewelled master than before. Anyways, the bags finally arrived and I got all of my things into a cab and headed into the city – 3 hours late.

The previous week Free The Children put me up in a hotel and up until this point I hadn’t heard any news of a change in booking. When I arrived I tried to check in only to find I had no reservation. After a couple of desperate phone calls I found out that my reservation was for a hotel a few blocks away. Back into the cab and off to another hotel. I finally checked in, grabbed a sammich and settled in for my first night pretty early. I was kind of exhausted.

The next day was the first day of work and being the keener that I am (who also only sleeps about 4 hours a night) I was up at about 5:30 AM and down by the new office by 6… I wasn’t really expecting anyone to be there, but I really had nothing to do so I walked around Cabbagetown for a few hours. The houses there are spectacular. All red bricked mansions with BMW’s and Benzs parked outside. I hadn’t found a place to live yet so I was half hoping to rent something in the area. When normal working hours finally rolled around, I got right into it.

Coming from a software / product / advertising background I’m used to a particular process. Things like brainstorming, scope, design, development, qa and launch. Maybe this is just the Vancouver in me, but it was a little strange going into a project where the directive was to, “make a landing page.” I can work in different processes, I’ve done it all throughout my career, but I’ve never worked without a process. So, job one – implement a process. I pitched a few ideas on how this could get done because I was half expecting all of them to get shot down – but here’s where things got really different for me… They loved the idea. Normally I would have to put together huge presentations, pitched ideas to directors and usually bend to comply with what someone else is feeling. But here, they welcome the change and they recognize what I’m trying to do and appreciate it already. That’s pretty much what my work week has been; a little challenging at times, but overall it feels amazing to be appreciated and respected for what I can do.

Outside of work has been a bit of a different story. I don’t know anyone here other than a few people I’ve crossed paths with at other companies and some friends of friends. Needless to say the excitement every evening for me is listening to Canucks exhibition games on the radio and Skypeing with the GF. After this week I was supposed to move into shared housing with another employee, but after checking out the digs and seeing how small my area would be, I didn’t feel comfortable staying there. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but I’ve got A LOT of stuff to move out here and storing it all in half of an attic wouldn’t be fair to the dude I was supposed to share with. So, I went apartment hunting.

Like I said earlier, I was half-hoping to live near the office to cut down on commute time, but after looking through some of the listings and seeing that I wouldn’t be able to move in until October 1st, I decided to look else ware. After a stressful day of apartment hunting, taking the subway all over the city and going back forth to the bank for drafts, I found a place that would allow me to move in this weekend.

I’m now a resident of Summerhill Toronto located in between St. Clare and Bloor and couldn’t be happier. I ordered a futon online and had it delivered yesterday so I could have a decent night’s sleep – and boy did I ever. I think I slept for about 10 hours which is ridiculous for me but also probably needed after the week I’ve had.

So now, I’m sitting in a Starbucks on Yonge and Roxborough using the 2 free hours of Wi-Fi. My home connection arrives tomorrow at some point so once I’m all set up at home I’ll feel even better. Quite the welcome to a new city I guess. I miss Vancouver already, but I’m really excited to be here in Toronto and start a new plot line to this ridiculous tale.

Out for now.