Loving The Distillery District, But Not The Segway

Not my picture, totally stole this

So I just moved into my new place and headed on down to the Distillery District in Toronto. Love it. The chocolate factory speaks to me on so many levels and I could probably spend hours just walking around and checking out the galleries. I know I know, before you deem me a hipster, please read on.

The Distillery is great, with one exception, Segway. Amidst a plethora of art galleries, boutique shops and coffee houses is a Segway shop and tour that sticks out like a bad rash. I’m going to go on a bit of a rant here, so if you’re not into it, just enjoy the pretty pictures I took from Google and pretend it didn’t happen.

Segway’s are evil:

When people are standing up right, we’re built to basically do one of two things. Either stand there, or move our legs. But the Segway has melded the two together creating some sort of riff in the way our bodies are built. Now we can stand and move in any direction (as long we wear a helmet) with the Segway. To me, this isn’t right, it’s kind of supernatural and leads me to believe it is evil.

Segway’s make people look like deuchebags:

No matter how you dress it up, either preppy to the max, or straight up gangsta, nobody in this world can make riding a Segway look cool. In fact, they amplify the deuchebaggery 10 fold and make people want to throw things at you. When you see someone riding a Segway, what is the first thing that pops into your head? Chances are, it’s something along the lines od Deuchebag.

Cool? Really?

Segway’s are not futuristic:

Usually when you see something with a slick color palette and smooth edges that doesn’t make a sound, you think futuristic technology, or at the very least, something that came out of Star Trek. But when you see a Segway, it’s confusing. Yes it embodies all of the aforementioned traits of something futuristic, but the point of it is backwards. Since when did we evolve so much that we want to stand and move? NEVER.

Okay, rant over. You can check out some of the images I’ve copied and pasted straight from Google. I’d post the ones I took this weekend, but the weather wasn’t great and it makes the Distillery look a lot more depressing than it really is. This means a couple of things. I’m a terrible photographer and I’m an image thief.

Again, totally not my image