The Bloated Penguin

Morning all,

Before I drop this juicy new trailer from James Cameron’s Avatar, I want to make sure that if anyone out there plans on sharing this, they don’t use the word “Epic.”  Personally, I can’t stand it when people use the word “Epic” to describe something. It’s simply retarded and that’s my gripe for this morning.

Anyways, have a look at the new international trailer from Avatar. It’s actually quite long and gives you a much better idea about the story and the style in which Cameron made this. A couple of notable faces are Giovanni Ribisi who, in my mind, automatically gives this flick some credit, and Michelle Rodriguez playing (surprise surprise) a military chick. Not a huge Rodriguez fan, but she did get kicked off of Lost for being a drunk – kind of have to respect that….

Have a looksie – the non-subtitled version should be on quicktime at some point today.

Hey Kids!!!

Finally had an opportunity to check out the Halloween episode of Castle last night and laughed the left side of my ass off. Okay, maybe that was a little too graphic, but some of the lines that Nathan Fillion drops in this episode are simply grand. If you’re a Fillion/Firefly/Serenity fan then you’ll be able to sympathize with my joy when he pops out in his Halloween costume. Check the clip below and enjoy!

And now Nathan Fillion in a porno….

More terrible news in the world of remakes and lack of original ideas to come out of Hollywood. The latest victim? Short Circuit. If you remember back to when movies cost less than 10 bucks a pop and you thoroughly enjoyed them rather than criticized them, then you’ll remember a little flick called Short Circuit starring a Wall*E inspiring robot and that dude from Police Academy. A few terrible sequels later and the franchise was dead… Until now. Through some kind of zombie-like voodoo, Hollywood morons have decided to resurrect Johnny 5 for a brand new feature. Honestly, I’m not sure who to blame here, but I do kind of feel bad for director Steve Carr who’s only major credit is Paul Blart: Mall Cop. It looks like he’ll be another laughing stock.

When or if you climb down off the ledge, understand that this has been a long time coming. Time to add Johnny 5 to the likes of Indiana Jones, GI Joe and Terminator to the growing list of remade characters ruining our childhoods.

Hey kids,

Just a quick one today. I’ve been offline for a couple of days and now that I’m back my inbox is flooded with mouthwatering news and pics from around the entertainment world. What’s in store for today? Well, I could talk about Astroboy’s opening weekend flop. I guess I could also talk about the huge opening weekend Paranormal Activity had. And I suppose I could talk about some news to come out of the Arrested Development feature or the newly greenlit 4th Mad Max installment, but I won’t. Instead I’ll drop this gorgeous high-res image of the latest cast of the A-Team. Click the above image to get a closer look – and you’ll have to. Hats off to the crew behind the A-Team flick so far in making the entire team look as though they crawled right out of the 14 inch tube box from back in the 80’s. The only quip is that I still can’t buy anyone other than Mr. T as BA. Sorry Rampage. Other notables are Bradley Cooper as Faceman, Liam Neeson as Hannibal and Charlto Copley as Mad Murdock. Also, a midst the background dust and smoke you can make out the infamous A-Team van!!!!

Enjoy!

Hey kids,

So as some of you know (all 3 of you who actually read this blog – thanks Mom) I was recently treated to an evening of chivalry and competition. Where do you go for such a well-rounded night of entertainment? Midieval Times!!!!!

The new work crew out in Toronto found out (okay I told them) that it has always been one of my childhood dreams to take part in one of the most ridiculous forms of dinner theater out there. We gathered together a group of 12 people, got a crazy discount and had a great evening. Normally I save reviews for things like recent episodes of television or flicks I’ve seen, but I think today I’ll give everyone a rundown of what it’s like to chill for an evening with a group of knights, a princess and a whack load of food.

Go On Discount Only

The regular price for an evening at Midieval Times can set you back about $70 give or take a few, but the spending doesn’t stop with your ticket. When you book a group, the “castle” tells you to show up at least an hour before the show starts. We thought it was because they were going to have some kind of pre-dinner show or something, but as soon as we walked in we were greeted by a guy with a bird who literally said, “Welcome to Midieval Times my liege. Make sure to buy something.” Yes the tickets are quite pricy to begin with, but where your wallet really takes a hit is before the show where you’re exposed to a Disney-sized proportion of gift-shop merchandise and… the bar. So you can imagine where they make a lot of their cash.

Food Isn’t As Bad As It Sounds

Sure the thought of scarfing down a couple of chicken legs, a rib and a potato for dinner sounds more like you’re eating a brick, but it’s actually not that bad. Let me be clear, this is not a “restaurant,” so the fact that they feed you this much food at all is a good thing. And it’s not terrible. At least mine wasn’t. If you think about it, the size of the meal probably equals that of a $30 dinner at a real restaurant and if you throw in the entertainment, you kind of forget about what you’re trying to digest.

It’s A Monster Truck Rally

As I was walking in the door after Midieval Times last night I started thinking about how similar the crowd, and the entertainment was similar to something like pro wrestling or a monster truck rally. I say this with nothing but respect, but last night was 100% Redneck Fun. We cheered for our knight, wore his colors and actually got into the performance a little bit. On the flip side, I’m pretty sure all of the “performers,” have done their share of adult entertainment so in a way it was a little sad. Fun though.

No Replay Value

Now that I’ve been to Midieval Times, I really don’t see a reason for me to ever return. I wanted to go see what it was all about and eat a lot of food. Now that I’ve done that, I really don’t see myself returning. Unless… Unless there’s some kind of major change.

I saw, I experienced and I conquered.

Midieval Times was something I’ll never forget.

Fresh off a huge opening weekend, Where the Wild Things Are director Spike Jonze reminds everyone that he’s not a commercial/studio filmmaker. I’m not saying the Where the Wild Things Are is a studio film (in fact, I haven’t even seen it yet ), but when you think Spike Jonze, the first thing that pops into your head should be his early work. He’s the creative genius behind some of the world’s greatest music videos and a couple of amazing features that can be considered a little “off.”

Well, released earlier this week, Spike went back to his roots and connected with hip hop ego Kanye West to create the short film We Were Once A Fairytale. Watch the 11 minute short below then exhale and notice that you’re probably not high…. And that’s weird cause We Were Once A Fairytale feels like a trip down a rabbit hole….Enjoy.

A short film about Kanye West by Spike Jonze from greggina talumewo on Vimeo.

Addicted to viral entertainment? Have a love for the bizarre and strange? Sitting at work with nothing to do while you wait for yet another email?

Check out the Bjorn Borg Breakup Test.

In true viral fashion, I’ve still got no idea what exactly this has to do with Bjorn Borg. All I do know if that the animated typography is amazing and every time I go through this thing it tell me it will break up with my GF for me… via text message.

Check the embedded video, or head on over to the site. If you do want to take advantage of the breakup service, please be advised that North American phone numbers do not work…

I don’t have a bucket list. I’m too young. Instead I have a running list of shit that I wish I could have done when I was young. It includes things like pretending to be Godzilla and terrorizing Legoland, having an Oreo eating contest with an old person and spending the night in an FAO Shwartz – well as of Thursday evening I’ll be able to cross one off. I’m going to Midievil Times to eat a leg of chicken, drink some ale and cheer for  whichever knight looks the most like a pornstar.

It’s not like I’ve been dying to go ever since I can remember (okay maybe a little), but ever since Cable Guy I’ve always questioned what it is really like in there. I’m not being skeptical or anything, but I’d like to see and experience this unique dinner theater for myself. Since moving to Toronto my diet has consisted mostly of Alphaghetti and Campbell’s soup so heading back in time for some chicken and anything else I can fit in my bare hands is pretty exciting.

I’ll give an update when its all said and done, but at least for now I can cross “Watch a real life jousting match,” off my list.

Later.