The Bloated Penguin

Future Legacy

I’m going to talk a little about Legacy issues and my problem with them.

In a word: E V E R Y T H I N G

In case anyone is wondering what a Legacy issue would be let me paint a little picture. I’m in the process of putting together documentation that explains a new way of guiding a user through a specific application. I’ve changed some of the interaction, I’ve changed a some of the visuals and I’ve changed the language. I’ve gotten all the way to the point where the concept looks like a banana whereas the original application looks like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich… on rye.

I’m pretty proud of the work – it’s not groundbreaking but it does introduce some new concepts to a rather old application.

And then I had a meeting.

Scott – “So this is what I’m proposing”

Old person – “I don’t get it”

Scott – “That’s fine, let me explain so you can understa-”

Old person – “No don’t, it’s not going to change because”

Scott – “Why?”

Old person – “Because that’s how we have always done it and I’m too old and broken to understand anything beyond DOS.”

So that’s my situation – Thanks god for the weekend.

What is in here?

Has anyone out there ever gone through their junk folder in email? First off, lots of respect to Gmail for their filtering system – I stopped using Hotmail back in 02 mostly because of over-spammage and I’ve never had that problem since moving over to Gmail. So what’s in the Junk folder today?

First off, I never check this thing – EVER, so the count has gotten up to 140 unread. I think Gmail holds onto them for a week and then purges like a high school cheerleader.

#1 – David Sweet has emailed me announcing that he can get me 80% off all watches. Awesome! If I was nieve enough to actually check that out. This one reeks of virus.

#2 – Grace Hampton has emailed me about a breakthrough in sexual enhancing drugs! Just what I was waiting for. Pass.

#3 – Ivory Story sent a message about car loans. Apparently Ivory can get me a ridiculous deal on a brand new Bentley! I’ll hang onto this one in case I decide to make a rap music video.

#4 – Stefan Villa sent a message with the follopwing subject line, “Make her come every night.” Hmmmmmm inticing subject line, but I’ll have to pass on this one too.

#5 – msihseda1951 says they can get over-the-counter drugs for over 90% off. The next time I feel the need for some T-3’s I’ll open this one up.

So there’s the top 5 from my spam folder. You should check yours every once in a while. Helps pass the time and kind of interesting to see what scams are out there right now. Okay, I’m out, I need to go buy a new watch, get a car loan, enhance my sexual performance and buy some low-priced Advil.

The Green Hornet and Kato

I just read that Stephen Chow – the Chinese version of Ben Stiller only not a douche with a famous dad and actually funny, has dropped out from directing his first North American feature. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, Stephen Chow was set to direct and star in the Green Hornet! Chow of course would have been playing Kato – the role so perfectly created and played by the late Bruce Lee.

Can you imagine how great that would have been to have the Green Hornet directed by the same guy who gave the world Kung Fu Hustle and Shao Lin Soccer?

Damn… woulda-coulda-shoulda

Fanboys!

I just read that Fanboys is actually opening in some theatres next week! In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, Fanboys has been one of the most famous movies in the last 5 years that has yet to be released. Starring Kristen Bell, Jay Baruchel, Dan Fogler and a crap load of nerd superstars like William Shatner and Carrie Fisher, this movie has been put through the ringer so many times.

From what I can gather it’s only being shown in a select few American cities and if it does well – which is will, it’ll go wide-release. I’m not a Ameeeeerican so I can’t show the support it deserves, but if you’re reading this and you are of the stars and stripes, please watch this movie!

My ability to empathize with this image is scary.

So all 2 of your that follow the Bloated Penguin (thanks mom and that creepy guy who stares at my picture in the About section) know that I’ve actually bitten the bullet and gone back to a 9-5 job.

BTW – if anyone knows the emoticon for “well… fuck” that would be great.

Anyways, I’ve started working at Sage software where I’ve been tasked write… wait for it…. HELP CONTENT FOR ACCOUNTING SOFTWARE. I know, coming from an online gambling background this is kind of like the Arctic to my sunny beach on Cabo. A few observations about the workforce so far.

There are way too many people in this world with the same name. Sage employs what seems like 1000 people named Chris or Kris or Christopher.

I’m pretty sure everyone there thinks I know what I’m doing. Joke is totally on them.

Water cooler conversations have been replaced with Water Filter conversations.

Cubicles are not sound proof.

So those are my initial thoughts upon going back to the workforce. It kind of feels like my second stint in Nam or something. Not too happy about going back, but I’m going to try and make the best of it.

This month's shopping cart

I share a brutal love-hate relationship with Amazon. Over the past few years they have been my online shopping source of choice. They provide everything from books and DVD’s to video games and now hardware. I love it some days because I can find pretty much anything there without having to jump into a transit situation and sift my way through a terrible suburban shopping center. I hate it because it’s nerd-crack. They’re Amazon-y way of “suggesting” items after you have purchased something is evil and brilliant at the same time.

Amazon – “Oh – You just bought 2 more seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for $19.99. Why don’t you check out this other semi popular vampire story called Twilight”

Me – “Fine. Can I checkout now?”

Amazon – “Oh, you just bought Twilight for our sale price of $6.99, but you’re still a few dollars away from free shipping. Why don’t you check out this really cheap box set of Invader Zim?”

And so it begins. The VISA can only take so much, but after logging on to just look the other day I ended up buying:

Choke and Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk

The Joker by by Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along-Blog

and Romantic Comedy Favorites – a DVD consisting of Bridget Jones, Love Actually, Notting Hill and About a Boy. (This one was for the gf – I swear I don’t have a thing for Hugh Grant….)

So Amazon, you’ve done it again. Thanks.

Killahbeez.com

Interesting title huh? Well to explain a bit more I was contacted by the nice folks over at Killahbeez.com to help out as a contributor. To what capacity? I’m not sure yet, I’ll probably find out more tomorrow and I’ll let everyone know. Our initial talks have basically swung the way of the force – meaning they have asked me to start off writing about anything and everything nerd. Basically what you’ve been seeing here.

So starting in a little bit you can find a few posts a week by me (The Bloated Penguin) over at Killahbeez attempting to be clever and exciting about everything from the latest release for the Wii to how badly Robot Chicken treats its elders.

But this doesn’t mean I’ll be abandoning this space, Bloated Penguin is still a bit of a labor of love. But if you like my style you should definitely check it out.

Sent from my iphone and crackberry

I’m sure most people out there who are reading this are aware of this little communication tool call Email (pronounced Ee-May-Yal) so some of you might be able to share my gripe with this. I work out of my home office (okay, it’s really my laptop while I’m still in bed) and I get a lot of emails from clients on the go.

“Scott – I need you to write this”

“Dude, I’m in a bind – Gimme some words”

“How do you spell die-area again?”

The work I LOVE, but the email tags I can’t stand. Countless times throughout the day I’m receeiving emails from clients who always end their messages with:

“Sent from my iPhone” or “Sent from my Bl@ckberry”

I can’t stand this! So from now on, if I ever receive another email with a tag even remotely similar to the above, I’m replying with, “Sure, I’ll write that for you – Sent from my pajamas.” I’m not upset with the fact that people are emailing on the go, I’m mostly concerned with the fact that Apple and Bl@ckberry have infiltrated my Inbox. Please, if you own an iPhone or Bl@ckberry, remove that ridiculous tag and replace it with something clever or nothing at all.

Thanks

(Sent from my pajamas)