The Bloated Penguin

So there was like this 24 hour coverage of a football game yesterday and while I was waiting for the commercials to start (side note – I later found out that Mashable would be streaming all of them from their site…) I flipped around the channels and discovered one of the greatest movies of our time. No I’m not talking about Citizen Kane or Casablanca, I’m speaking of course about the Baywatch Movie.

I’ll try my hardest to not give away too much of the plot, but the quick rundown is this. Mitch gets married in Hawaii.

Now, I’ve never been a huge fan of Baywatch (I would stop on the show if I was channel surfing every once in a while, but I never actually knew when it was on), but I have to say, the movie had me hooked from the beginning. First of all, am I the only person who wasn’t aware of this spin-off show called Baywatch Hawaii? Apparently there are scantily clad lifeguards/adult movie stars in Hawaii as well as California. They too run on the beach in slow motion and are able to perform CPR like professional EMT’s.

Here’s a promo in a different language!

Anyways, back to the movie review.

The Acting

I haven’t seen a ton of Baywatch episodes in the past, but I’m thinking of checking out a few now that I know the quality of performance displayed in each episode. With a star-studded cast of David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson, Yazmine Bleeth, Stacy Kamano and Carmen Electra (plus a ton of other names I don’t recognize) it was a no-brainer that the quality of acting was set at a high level. Emotions can be read quite high (there were a fair number of girl fights) and the love between Mitch and Allison rivals that of a classic Romeo and Juliet.

The Action

With a movie plot based on the high impact lives of lifeguards, you can bet that the action sequences would be top notch – and the Baywatch movie doesn’t disappoint. If this movie has any hint of reality (this being Baywatch and all, I wouldn’t doubt the realism), I don’t think people in Hawaii know how to swim… at all. It takes a couple of hands to count the amount of people who almost drowned in this movie so thank goodness for the Baywatch crew.

The Dialogue

I think they talked in this. You know, in between the slo-mo running and CPR scenes. And I’m pretty sure it was witty, smart and chalk full of quips that only university grads would understand.

The Story

Again, amidst all of the running and saving, I’m pretty sure there was a story behind all of this. I remember a wedding scene at some point and also a lot of driving around on the beach with Baywatch branded ATV’s.

Rating

If you’ve got any entertainment integrity you’ll have already seen this movie. It changed my perception of story telling and I feel as though I’m a better person for spending 2 hours with it. I give the Baywatch Movie a stunning and extremely rare 11 out of 10 stars.

Trust me, you want to know what they just found.

I hate mid-season finales. They’ve done it with Smallville, They’re doing it with Glee, and last night saw the mid season finale of Fringe. And the kicker is that Jacksonville (the title of last night’s episode) was the best of season 2 so far. Agreed, the second season of Fringe has been a bit slow in terms of the overall arc of the stories set up in the first season, but in defense of the brilliant Rob Orci and Alex Kurtzman, this was needed to gain more fans. Last night’s episode was like a “Thanks for sticking with us, here’s what you’ve been waiting for,” episode.

Without giving too much away, Jacksonville was about Olivia’s powers, the parallel universe and Peter – basically everything devoted Fringe fans have been waiting for. Now, I’m going to make a claim here, and you can argue it if you want. Jacksonville was a better hour of television that the premier of Lost on Tuesday.

NOT IN THE FACE!!!

Maybe it’s because I really like Fringe, or maybe it’s because I get that home-sick feeling when I watch the Vancouver-filmed sci-fi show, but I really do believe that Jacksonville was the best entertainment on television this week – so far considering Absolute Justice is on tonight.

But here’s my beef – Why hasn’t Fringe been picked up for a third season? I just read that Bones has been renewed for two more seasons along with Glee, 24 and Lie to Me. But what about Fringe? If Fox screws this up, I’ll plead to Sy-Fi to pick this up. I’ve already read some comments from Akiva about a third season arc involving Astrid and a possible six season run for the entire show. I can live with that. Really, I can – If Fringe gets to run for the hopeful six seasons, I’ll be content (pending the writing doesn’t get stale).

Please Fox – you’ve screwed me by changing The OC in the passed. You canceled Dollhouse, Firefly and the Sarah Conner Chronicles. You’ve destroyed television with American Idol. But please, for the love of Walter Bishop – renew Fringe!!!!!

Next Monday will mark the kick-off of another project here at the exclusive computer nerd-labs of my work. Yes, alright – I could be exaggerating about the “exclusive computer nerd” stuff, but us introverts need to generate self importance some how right? Anyways, Monday we will be kicking off a brand new digital campaign that will be %100 Wordpress generated.

I know what most of you are thinking, “Dude, Wordpress is like so 2006!” well, to give you all some insight, Wordpress is like a foreign language here and for us to even make the decision to use the system was a HUGE step. So instead of writing how Movable Type or Drupal are much better systems (or to build our own), for the sake of argument I’m going to deem Wordpress as a step in the right direction.

Over the course of a month the crew here will be learning about blog design, writing, voice and tone and most of all, the power of unique and consistent content over this thing we call the Interwebs. I have a lot of confidence in the Scooby Gang here, but as with all projects, I’m expecting to fail a few times before we get this right.

Thanks for the good luck wishes in advance!

Pee Wee has been making quite a few appearances of late since his live show premiered back on stage a few days ago. As you may recall, he helped explain all of the issues going on at NBC for Conan and just a few days ago decided to showcase his new iPad to all of the people in Puppetland. Check out the video below. By the by, that tingling feeling you get in the back of your neck is nostalgia – Pee Wee is BACK!!!!

And here’s his appearance on one of Conan’s final shows:

Ugh, this comes on the heels of the news that the Smurfs are turning 3D; something I learned from the nice folks over at Latino Review.

Anyways, how many times have you looked at a flick or a tv show or a commercial that featured a classic 2D cartoon character as a brand new shiny 3D version that looked a little bit off and in some cases really effin scary? I’m talking about things like strange shine effects and way too many facial expressions. Well, over the years we’ve all been subjected to this a fair bit, so instead of trying to sit there and think of a few, I’ve compiled a lit of the 5 Worst 2D to 3D Morphs for all to hate and love at your leisure.

5 – Transformers

I get it, sort of. Mike Bay wanted to make a butt load of money, create another billion dollar toy franchise and get the next generation of kids believing that Optimus Prime actually had lips. In any case, I always thought this was a bit of a failure in a sense that I always felt the Transformers were part of 80’s culture complete with poppy music and pinkish punky space colours. Throw in Shia and Megan Fox and all of a sudden things look really strange…

4 – Casper

I was never a huge fan of Casper even in 2D world, but when I was young (a LONG time ago) I remember going to the theater and checking out the latest Casper flick starring Christina Ricci. Something about Casper looked wierd though. I get the fact that he is a ghost and he’s a bit transparent and all, but here is a case where a character actually suffers from too many facial expressions. Casper went from cute, lovable 2D classic cartoon, to creepy 3D rendition of a preteen complete with strange feelings and the ability to turn human…

3 – Scooby Doo

Scoody Doo was one of my favorite 2D characters of all time. Him and the Scooby Gang occupied my entire childhood with their medling and mystery solving. Scooby was a bit of a nut and I loved that about him. But when he went 3D complete with Matt Lilliard, Buffy and Freddie Prinze, something was really off about the whole thing. For one, he really didn’t fit in a 3D world. Scooby has always been a 2D type of guy and to throw him into a world of real people with this odd shine to his doggy fur is kind of frightening…

2 – Yoda

Alright, so Yoda didn’t actually go from 2D to 3D, but he did make an interesting transition from “puppet with a hand up his back” to 3D and this was weird to begin with. The draw with Yoda had always been the way he moved. He was this old, wrinkly, rubbery looking alien midget who limped around with a cane. When Goergy Lucas decided to animated him for a fight scene, I was slightly disturbed. All of a sudden Yoda could move like a ninja and – here’s the big difference – he had feet! I know it’s strange to think of something as normal without feet, but that was Yoda. The second he had feet, things got weird…

1 – Tom Hanks

Polar Express still gives me nightmares. Creating 3D versions of humans is wrong and disturbing and downright evil. So evil in fact that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey because of it. I understand that Zemeckis wanted an authentic look and feel with Polar Express, but it seems as if the Devil himself called him up on his cell phone and asked him to personally scare the crap out of all onlookers with his 3D rendition of Tom Hanks. Again, I know that Tom Hanks is not a classic 2D character, but still. Creeeeeeeeepy…..

* In some cases I actually think the transition to 3D works so here are a couple that don’t scare the living shit out of children everywhere

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Making the 2D to 3D transition was inevitable for the Turtles and the movie produced a few years ago proved this correct. Not creepy at all, the Turtles actually benefit from more movement and shine and I can see more movies of their 3D selves in the future.

Spiderman – Yes, the third flick was terrible – I’m not defending that. But remember the first time you saw a 3D rendition of Spiderman on the big screen. It was quite breath taking to say the least. Spiderman really benefited from the movement instilled into his 3D self.

Feel free to comment and add to this list of bad 2D to 3D transitions.

Laters.

Is it just me or is all of the news coming out of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland looking really awesome?

Case and point, check out these images from the flick that were released last week. I’m mostly looking forward to seeing the Cheshire Cat, but after seeing the Caterpillar and the Red Queen I can honestly say that the hype is on. I see Tim Burton as a complete filmmaker who pays equal attention to visual detail, story telling and continuity. Needless to say, I can’t wait for this flick to drop.

What? Yeah, that’s right. There will be a movie starring John Cusack called Hot Tub Time Machine with a plot that is exactly that. A bunch of dudes snap on the Speedos, hop in the hot tub and travel back to the 80’s. Sometimes I’d like to go back to the 80’s, but then I’d be really chunky and be wearing way too much neon… Check out the trailer below:

Welcome to one of the only posts you’ll read today that has absolutely nothing to do with the Apple iPad. This is the last time I’ll mention the giant iPod this post, I promise.

Instead, I’d like to chat abut a much more serious issue going on right now in the advertising world. Yes, your assumption is correct, I’m concerned for Salty the salt shaker. In a couple of new spots featured below we learn how Salty is trying to re familiarize himself with the world. I understand that with these brand new less-sodium Sidekicks rice packages I’ll probably live longer, but I’m of the opinion that we aren’t always living for ourselves. Instead, I say, screw Sidekicks and their plan to render Salty obsolete, just look at him…. He’s Sad!!!

And here’s the first ad featuring Salty that made us all shed a single tear: